Monday, June 27, 2011

beat 276 - uncommon

"My heart has at least something in common with everyone else's. Sometimes it loves, it hurts, it's guarded, it's lonely, it's passionate, it's overwhelmed with joy. The important stuff is always there keeping me going, but the little things come and go. Right now, the little things are nail polish, crossword puzzles and Almond Joy Pieces."

-Cate Hellman, NYC
digital tech

Friday, June 24, 2011

beat 275 - companion

"My heart is my best friend... A Wild Horse that carries me regardless of my weight.  No matter how much pain I put my heart through, it loves me unconditionally and continues to pour life into my veins.  It will fight for me until it's dying day.  Until it collapses.  Perhaps, only at that moment will I be able to fully comprehend it's gift.  To walk.  To talk.  To listen.  To feel.  To see.  To be.  It's a wild one, it is.  It loves freely and hurts deeply.  It will not be suppressed nor restricted.  If so, it will exhaust itself pumping against that resistance until it's halted.

My heart... is my only true connection to the world.  It is the only vessel that allows this to be pure.  It is not a "web".  I am never caught nor stuck in it.  I am an ever moving experience and it is the reason.  I can walk away and still know that moment because of it.  It allows me to meet a beautiful stranger.  It is my heart that allows me to connect to yours.  And, only then, I can see you.  Protected by armor, but no armor is any match for love.  Love, no matter how wide or narrow can fit through any chink.  And suddenly... I am open.  My heart is the window to the world."

- Gino Pesi, LA, CA

beat 274 - la vie en lashes

"I am 91 years old. As you get older you become very honest with yourself. There is no reason not to. I now see I either had passionate affairs that I would get over quickly or I had comfortable relationships with men that weren't jealous and allowed me to do what I wanted. That was lovely but after a while I'd grow bored out of that. And I would go back to the passionate relationship. Now, I am so happy with my comfortable relationship because the older I got the more I realized that the passion was just a push. Like a shot in the arm. Where the other thing is warm like a soft wave, not like a wild wave. But when you are young you think you are missing something when you don't have that passion.  When I think of my past loves and where it went wrong, and there were several. I wasn't in love. Not with my real heart. But it was the way they treated me that made me care. My pride, my ego they were wanting the love or not understanding why my lover wasn't treating me right. when I look at the love letters and the things and I say to myself I was so lucky to overcome some of the things I faced with my lover. 
Liking someone is worth more than the passion.
I was married once. I was very young. He was a pilot and in the war his parachute did not open up. That is how he died. After that did I want to get married? Sure. You connect with so many people, to have one person that you want to spend your life with is a different story. I wanted that with him but when I lost him it wasn't as easy to find.  So I had lots of relationships. And you know, our feelings take over too much sometimes. And if we spend more time before we commit ourselves to getting into a relationship and get to know the person a little better we would have a much better time because if that relationship is broken, at least we would have a friendship left. When you share so much of yourself with someone else, so if there is at least a friendship before, it will greatly depend on how you break up and why but still, it's important to have understanding of who each other are. 
But I want you to know something, I think the world lacks discipline. People break up quickly. Children are spoiled. We need to teach no no's to the world. We all need discipline. My heart is wide open, my doctor told me I have a gapping hole in it. And it is very true. My heart is open to all. Now I feel so rich inside. I feel like I have so much to give because I am comfortable. I can give to everyone, I can give to you and other strangers. I have more people around me now than ever before. I feel that I have so much to give to all around me. This world is my kingdom. This city streets are mine. The trees, the people, it is all mine. I take care of it all because then the world is good to me. It's little things."

- Ilona Royce Smithkin, NYC
artist, girl about town

beat 273 - ransacked

"It's taken me this long to answer your question because I never think about my heart anymore. I used to. But then she broke it. And now I leave it guarded so no one, not even myself, can hurt it. She came into my life at a time when I wasn't looking. She took my heart and carelessly tossed it after years of loving it. She left me scared. She left me wondering. She left me and I will never see her again. Talking to you right now about my heart fills me with so many emotions. I feel hope all of a sudden, you know? Like maybe she will read this and come back. But I know she's gone and I'll always be left wondering how someone I treated so well all the time could just leave. I did everything for her, but it was never enough. I don't know if I regret it but I definitely regret not being able to give my heart away to anyone else again. Yeah, maybe one day. Maybe."

-Rohit, NYC
Investment Banker

beat 272 - drawn

"I was trying to think of something to say about my heart, but instead decided to say it with an image."

- Scott Cooper, NY

beat 271 - emerald

"When my heart is open, I turn into a million dragonflies. This one has a penchant for mischief. This one likes his tea without sugar. This one is painted emerald. And here's one admiring an Agnes Martin painting. Follow him, and he will take you to a cave of gold. This one flew all the way to Denmark and speaks all the Scandinavian languages. This one knows what it means to be a woman, and her friend admires her from a mushroom. I found this one flirting with disaster. He likes electric fans and bug zappers. Here's one who flew too high and met the cosmic bug zapper. This one wonders if he is who he is. That one thinks he's a dragon – on a fiery day he can burn down a whole marshmallow. This one wonders if he is only a fly, and identifies as such when the weather is melancholy. This one has his father's eyes. And his mother's. And his hundreds' of ancestors. That's the great thing about having compound eyes. This one here glows emerald, in the dark (when you put him next to a firefly). And you, and you, wounded one, you shall be carried around in cotton for the rest of your life. You are the special one. From your wound comes the colony. A colony built on a wound has the deepest foundation of all. And you, you little ones, you found yourselves a treehouse. My mother was a tree, you see, and my father was an artist. That makes me immortal. Or furniture. I soak up thoughts like paper, or pour out like a jug. I'm made of water, you see. And I am both the dragon and a fly. I have been caught in a spider's web before. But I have burned through it. So dragonflies, friends, you emerald sea of bouyant spirit, you may fly as far as you like, you may see a million countries, feast on a thousand brulees or tomatoes or chopsticks, but you must always know that, together, you are me. You, who sit for hours before one painting in one museum, you, who got so close to a stagelight you almost met your maker. You, the daring, the protector, the healer, yes, and even you, the hider, the hidden, the pale, scared nocturne. You, each, have your place in me. You are the visitor who landed on this city boy's life jacket and scared the shit out of me in a boat once. But you must forgive me. I did not know you didn't bite. I did not know you were me.
He confused an etymologist with an entomologist and ended up pinned to a wall. He just wanted to know what his name meant. I come from ear sewer stock. My uncle was a skeeter hawk, my great uncle a snake doctor, and on my mom's side were the devil's darning needles and the sewing needles. I had an idea I was grand once. Than I realized I'm just a million grand things. With wings. I have never been stationary and have never needed a lift. The air is my help and my resistance – what let's me go higher, and gravity is my rest. I suppose I know only ecstasy. I was grown in an egg but never trapped in one – the shell never released me, it simply grew into me. So I am a million dragonflies. And my best friend is a hummingbird. I once saved a whole hiking troupe of girlscouts from a mosquito. And I once sat in on a lecture by Carl Jung. Who knew I was the only dragonfly in the world with an affinity for French cinema? Billions of eyes have seen trillions of things. Twice, I've been caught on a dervish's tassel. And one of those times I understood atonement is a circle."

- Kieran Mulcare, NY