beat 94 - solid

"For so long my heart was buried down deep in the dark abyss of fear and pain. Numbed out by alcohol, I found there to be little access, if any, to my heart. I lived each day under the clouded misdirection that if I kept my heart hidden and closed off to the world, there was no chance for me to be hurt. I was a lonely soul denying myself and anyone else any access to my heart. The problem with living in a self protected coat is that I ended up shutting myself off to the grace of God's light and the blessing of joy and happiness that comes with an open heart.

Today, I am one of the few fortunate individuals who has embraced a program of recovery. As I headed into the journey of recovery, I slowly begain to shed the protective gear of self centered dishonesty, false pride and fear. I learned that my power ended precisely where my fear began. I learned how to be vulnerable and take emotional risks. I began to feel comfortable in my own skin and each day my heart became more accessible to myself and others. Today I live my life with an open heart and can look in the mirror and be happy at the woman looking back at me. In good times and bad, I can find peace and serenity.

I recently lost the one true love of my life. She was the only person who I was able to love unconditionally with an open heart. Without the grace of sobriety, I would have used her untimely death as a reason to dive back into the darkness that had imprisoned me for so long. However, I know today that both of our hearts are at peace because we lived richer and more meaningful lives because we were not afraid to love one another freely.

So, as I reflect on the condition of my heart today, I feel peace and love. I know today that light always trumps the dark. I live with an open heart so that I am available for life today. When fear enters my soul and I contemplate going backwards, I look at the gifts of love and friendship that surround me and gain the courage to always move forward toward the light. I cannot go back and make a new beginning, but with an open heart, I can start today and make a brand new end."

-Kelly TIerney, Prospect, CT